Am I in time out?

If anyone missed the announcement on my facebook and twitter account on Thanksgiving- I’m happy to announce that Mav and I are expecting a baby in July. Today, I am 10 weeks and 3 days pregnant. This is the farthest any of my pregnancies has progressed. There was never any worry- never any indicators to show that it would end in tragedy like the others.

Still, I worry constantly. I’m going for my 4th ultrasound in a few days and I’m terrified that I won’t see a heartbeat on the screen, or that s/he will be smaller than s/he is supposed to be. I can’t help but worry. Then- at my last appointment, my OB dropped a bomb on me. At 7 weeks and 2 days pregnant, she advised that I go on light duty. No lifting more than 25lbs, no sitting or standing for more than 2 hours at a time without a break. It felt like the end of existence for me. All that I’ve known since I was 20 was working on the truck. Now, I had a doctor telling me that even though everything looks healthy, she doesn’t want me to be stressed and she wants the best chance for my baby and I to be healthy.

Mav has been more than supportive and is really stepping up to the plate. He’s seeking highter positions at The Borg, looking for overtime to make us extra money. All I can do is hope that The Borg finds me a light duty position and wait. I feel like a waste of space sometimes. I’ve never been good at playing “housewife.” When all of my friends played Mommy in Kindergarten, I shrugged and played the Mommy with a job. I didn’t want to be the house mommy. I wanted to be the successful and smart mom who provided for her family. Now, it looks like I’ll be playing that role. I’m sure when our baby comes, I will gladly take on that job with open arms, but what happens in the end? What if I lose all of my skills? Will I lose all of the qualities that make me a fun partner and employee? Will I even want to go back onto the truck? Was that my last shift as a medic?

All of these things swim through my mind as I stay at home and pack my things. Mav and I are moving back to my farm- my sister is selling us her trailer and it will be nice to live close to my family for when the baby comes. I will greatly miss my little place of existence here in New Orleans. I’ll greatly miss the convenience of the city. I’ll miss my managers and partner in Bayou region. Excuse my rambling people, I’m hormonal and I feel like I’ve been put in time out in my career. I’ll post pictures soon :)

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1 Comment

  1. my daughter is in the same position with her second pregnancy after multiple losses.she realises she must do as she is told to give this one the best chamce.so take it easy and my thoughts are with you


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