Am I in time out?

If anyone missed the announcement on my facebook and twitter account on Thanksgiving- I’m happy to announce that Mav and I are expecting a baby in July. Today, I am 10 weeks and 3 days pregnant. This is the farthest any of my pregnancies has progressed. There was never any worry- never any indicators to show that it would end in tragedy like the others.

Still, I worry constantly. I’m going for my 4th ultrasound in a few days and I’m terrified that I won’t see a heartbeat on the screen, or that s/he will be smaller than s/he is supposed to be. I can’t help but worry. Then- at my last appointment, my OB dropped a bomb on me. At 7 weeks and 2 days pregnant, she advised that I go on light duty. No lifting more than 25lbs, no sitting or standing for more than 2 hours at a time without a break. It felt like the end of existence for me. All that I’ve known since I was 20 was working on the truck. Now, I had a doctor telling me that even though everything looks healthy, she doesn’t want me to be stressed and she wants the best chance for my baby and I to be healthy.

Mav has been more than supportive and is really stepping up to the plate. He’s seeking highter positions at The Borg, looking for overtime to make us extra money. All I can do is hope that The Borg finds me a light duty position and wait. I feel like a waste of space sometimes. I’ve never been good at playing “housewife.” When all of my friends played Mommy in Kindergarten, I shrugged and played the Mommy with a job. I didn’t want to be the house mommy. I wanted to be the successful and smart mom who provided for her family. Now, it looks like I’ll be playing that role. I’m sure when our baby comes, I will gladly take on that job with open arms, but what happens in the end? What if I lose all of my skills? Will I lose all of the qualities that make me a fun partner and employee? Will I even want to go back onto the truck? Was that my last shift as a medic?

All of these things swim through my mind as I stay at home and pack my things. Mav and I are moving back to my farm- my sister is selling us her trailer and it will be nice to live close to my family for when the baby comes. I will greatly miss my little place of existence here in New Orleans. I’ll greatly miss the convenience of the city. I’ll miss my managers and partner in Bayou region. Excuse my rambling people, I’m hormonal and I feel like I’ve been put in time out in my career. I’ll post pictures soon :)

December 14, 2011
Categories: Random Thoughts . . Author: msparamedic . Comments: 1 Comment

The other side of the Radio- part 1

So. Now that I no longer work for Small Mom and Pop EMS, I thought it’d be nice to share my experiences ie: my last few months there. My supervisor asked me ever so politely to jump on the other side of the radio, temporarily of course, as they had just fired our night dispatcher. Mind you, I didn’t mind the pay cut… I needed a break from the roads and the hour and half commute to my new station.

Thus started my adventure on the other side of the radio. I made a REALLY weird video to go with it. I’ll post it at the end, I suppose if I can find it. I digress. I started dispatching and IMMEDIATELY hated it. There was no honeymoon period, or early marriage stages. I wanted a divorce and quickly. This was like a Britney Spears “oopsy” marriage in Vegas sort of deal. Granted, I was able to go home every night and sleep… and only most nights I had nightmares of post assignments and late doctor’s appointments… the other nights I drank myself into a dreamless slumber. Kidding- I don’t have an alcohol problem, I swear. (Only at EMS Conferences, ok?) Anyways, it was just as frustrating as I imagined it to be.

My main anxiety with dispatching was having to tell my co-workers, some whom I considered friends and others I just respected or at least tolerated, where to go. These places I sent them were never pleasant. Maybe they had to sit and post while a crew made a LD trip 3 hours away. Yay! You get to sit on the side of the road for a while and try to sleep… until I make you run a call 30 miles away because YOU ARE MY ONLY TRUCK. Oh. There is frustration number two. At Mom and Pop Backwoods service, there were only 3 ambulances that ran 24 hours a day. 1 that ON A GOOD DAY ran from 8-5… depending on who was on it and what they felt like doing. (Usually, my supervisor was on it. Though I like him now in retrospect, I couldn’t STAND him sitting at my desk in dispatch and making my decisions for me. Grrr.) Anyways. I’m digressing again. We had 3 full time trucks. To in the main city, and one 15 minutes out in this tiny city that didn’t run that many calls in my day. Granted, this parish has 3 ambulance services in it. The Borg, MedDeath, and Mom and Pop. So you’re thinking- 911 rotation + 3 services= sleep all night? WRONG. MedDeath may have… The Borg can be sent anywhere in the state so most of the times, at least one of their 2 units was out covering a busier parish, like Lafayette or posting somewhere waiting for the deathpatcher dispatcher to send them to their fate. So, that being said, Mom and Pop ran.

So, there I am, answering business calls, routing bill payers and dodgers to the billing department, taking emergency calls, sending ambulances out, writing down call times manually, and calling my units for updates because of course, we didn’t have unit tracking. Oh… and posting my poor crews to sketchy gas stations that were midway, or of course the creepy graveyard. Both were options. I… I am a medic. I didn’t WANT to understand what happened on the other side of the radio. I wanted to be blissfully unaware and just gripe about my assignment to PushEmDown Nursing Home at 3 am for ANOTHER fall. I wanted to believe dispatch was out to make me miserable. I wanted to believe they all had magic 8 balls and were pulling us at random to run crappy calls.

Now? I can’t gripe. Now that I’m at the Borg and things are a bit more complicated than just 3 ambulances in a region per dispatcher… I can’t complain when I get sent to post at the Wallace bridge. I know that the dispatcher, no matter how sinister the reputation may be, is probably struggling for coverage. The last thing he wants to hear is back talk. I remember hearing a unit gripe about post assignment and call me “A Terror.” (Please folks, remember to not sit on your radio!!) When I had an LD that night at 2 am- I had a choice. The crew that brought me lunch… and the crew that called me a Terror. Guess who I sent? Bye Bye, mean crew. YOU are a terror.

So folks, remember… your dispatcher, who may sound like a crazed psychotic lunatic most of the time, is a person just like you. Sometimes they make mistakes. (I’ve pointed that out to Borg management recently. They always say “Dispatch is God.” I always come back with- I was a dispatcher and I know differently!) Sometimes, you are for real the only truck available for post. Sometimes, you’re just up for a call. This is EMS. Eat when you can. Pee… and erm… other things… when you can. By all means, sleep when you can! When your shift is other, bid your dispatcher a good day (or night) and go home and take care of yourself. At the end of the shift, that’s all that matters.

More The Other Side of the Radio rants to come.

 

November 18, 2011
Categories: EMS . . Author: msparamedic . Comments: 1 Comment

EMS world expo 2011- day 1 recap

Day 1 of EMS World Expo went by almost too quickly! It was a wonderful day of podcasts, seeing old friends, and making new ones! It was particularly great finally hosting a GenMed show with new host Random Ward. I’ve greatly looked forward to that for a while an yesterday’s session with the NAEMT was perfect. As newly appointed state advocates, Random and I were able to hit the important points of EMS advocacy and mentoring with Jules Scadden, vice chair of NAEMT Advocacy Committee. 

After an awesome day of shows, I was able to hang out with Jeff, Nicole, and Scott by the pool/hot tub. It was a nice and relaxing hour. Then we met with Random and Justin for the cheapest meal vie had in Vegas that wasn’t in a paper bag. For 6 people, we had steak for under $100 and it was great steak! We then piled into a few cabs and headed to Hofbrau Haus for drinks with a huge twitter crowd, which eventually migrated to The Hard Rock Casino. It was a full but excellent day filled with lots of laughs. 

Day 2 has already started for me, with lots of set up again and running about. My new job as Production Assistant is never finished! Enough typing here- on to run the social media empire!

Follow @socialEMS for show floor updates or the hashtag #EMSWorldExpo for all EMS Vegas happenings.

September 1, 2011
Categories: EMS, GenMed . . Author: msparamedic . Comments: Leave a Comment

EMS world expo- Second Greetings and brief silence

I am sitting in a nearly silent exhibit hall at EMS world expo in Vegas. Today is the first day that it is open to non exhibitors… And in roughly 36 minutes, I’ll hear my favorite sound of the conference. That is the sound when the doors open to the public, and the place becomes it’s own moving entity of excitement. Vendors are enticing waiting responders; medics, fire, and police are greeting each other and talking shop; podcasters are yapping (go figure); old friends are excitedly greeting each other; and the phenomenon of “The Second Greeting” is happening between the social media crowd. The Second Greeting is when I say, “Hi. I’m Natalie,” and normal conversational pleasantries follow. Then I mention my Twitter handle. THIS is when the second greeting explodes into hugs and screeches, vigorous handshakes, and the realization that you may have just met this person in real life for the first time, but you have known this person digitally for months or maybe years. I sit here in the Physio Control sponsored Social Media Lounge, anxiously awaiting my chance to “Second Greet” some new faces and to visit with the regulars!

More to come later!

August 31, 2011
Categories: EMS, GenMed, Random Thoughts . . Author: msparamedic . Comments: 1 Comment

EMS World 2011

Once again, i find myself writing in the airport about to embark upon an adventure. It’s time for EMS Expo, oops… EMS world again. This time, we get to meet in Vegas. This will be my first trip to Vegas… and i am quite apprehensive for the epic times ahead! A short 2 years ago, I hadn’t travelled alone. I always had family by my side. Though I a well traveled, it wasn’t until i went to my first EMS Expo in Atlanta that i embarked on airport adventures, taxi cab exposures, and public transit as a single unit. Now i have this travel thing down to a science. Like getting to the terminal early to grab an outlet for phone/iPad/laptop use, wearing closed toe slip on shoes for easy removal at security and in airline seat and to keep draft away as opposed to flip flops, packing snacks in my tiny tote carryon because airport food is expensive, and always making sure that my essentials are in my carryon in case my luggage is misplaced. See? I’m an old pro now. 

I’m getting off subject, as usual. I’m stoked to know that in the course of a few days, I’ll be seeing old friends, meeting new ones, and podcasting with the greatest group of EMS pros this decade. Then again, my heart is heavy as i leave behind my wonderful boyfriend, Mav and our 3 dogs. I’m also missing 3 shifts so I’ll be hurting greatly next paycheck… But this is worth it. For the first time in a long time i am coming to a conference free of emotional baggage. No boyfriend drama, not worrying about a certain male friend leaving me for his ex (because it already happened), not feeling guilty for missing work and praying my job is waiting for me upon return. Finally, I work somewhere where they support my every step… though I feel it’s because they’re publicity hounds and love the positive exposure my involvement brings… It’s still nice to not have to worry about my boss calling to chew me out for following my dreams and advancing my career. 

This week is for me and my career. It’s about having fun, making new friends, reconnecting with old ones, and taking the next few steps to better this career that we all burn so passionately for. So for those coming to Vegas- get ready to work, have fun, and nurse the inevitable hangover. For those watching from around the world- keep an eye on us, stay connected via social media, and make plans to attend next year- it’s in my city finally! 

New Orleans 2012, baby!!!!

I’ll be updating periodically throughout the conference, so stay tuned and watch for GenMed podcasting live from the show floor on wednesday at 2:30pm and Friday at 11am (central time). Watch the other awesome shows live as well, because they are all awesome!!!

August 28, 2011
Categories: EMS, GenMed . . Author: msparamedic . Comments: Leave a Comment

Breaking Silence…

So… it is with gerat joy that I re-enter the social realm. I now have internet again. The last few weeks have been hectic! Mav and I have been organizing and getting settled into our new environments both at home and at work.

I’m going through a process that The Borg calls “CCP”- meaning Conditionally Cleared Paramedic. I am required to do 12 shifts minimum with a preceptor to make sure I’m a capable hire and to get acquainted with The Borg way. It’s frustrating at times, yes. I’ve been on my own as a medic for 3 years now… having to ride with a preceptor who has less experience  than me as an ALS provider is also frustrating. But I ADORE her and her partner. They’re amazing and I trust them with all of my being. They’re really taking their time to make sure that I understand The Borg’s ways and odd little quirks. It’ll be all worth it in the end!! It also doesn’t help that I’ve been ill for the majority of this time here at The Borg. I don’t know when I’ll be well again- but I have to make due with what was dealt! Bring it! :)

Mav and I are slowly settling into our little house here in New Orleans. He just bought a Harley and I bought a scooter for easy access in the city and awesome savings on gas as well! We added a new puppy to our ever growing chihuahua farm. We were joined by Riley most recently. He’s cute… but boy does he have a lot to learn! We’re learning about the weather in this area. Apparently- this section of Nola is a thunderstorm magnet. We’ve had crazy downpours for the last 3 weeks at least once a day for 10 minutes or more.

Ultimately, though, I can’t complain. I’m getting back into EMS and will have a lot more responsibilities soon enough. My life here in Nola has been the happiest times of my life thus far. I promise to blog and podcast more now that I have internet! Talk to you all soon!

 

MsP

July 31, 2011
Categories: EMS, Personal . . Author: msparamedic . Comments: 5 Comments

Ghost limb

Despite 8 months of hurt and rage filled posts, tweets, e-mails, texts, thoughts etc etc… I still need you to grasp that I do miss you. Not in the needy way anymore, of course. My life has moved forward greatly the last few months, even with you gone. I’ve met the man that, in truth, I can see me marrying someday and we’ve moved in together. I live in one of my dream cities for a company that I am growing to like greatly that treats me with the respect that I deserve. What aches, though, is the “ghost limb” effect that you left on my life. For 10 months, you were ever present in my life as my best friend. That never changed throughout the complicated story that is us; you were always consistently my best friend first. You’ve cut yourself from my life completely with no anesthetic. Though you’re gone, you couldn’t cut the memories that you left behind. My heart knows that you once took up this space and now you’re missing from it. That is what is painful.

I was content with my life before you. Imagine my life being like a night sky painted with bright stars. Then you came along, a brilliant meteor in this night sky. You shined consistently for 10 months filling me with wonder and hope. Then you were gone. I still had my night sky full of stars, but your brilliance left me blinded to that. Sometimes when I look into my sky, I still have trouble finding the stars that were once so brilliant and illuminating. Some days, I can’t differentiate your absence from the dark night above. But other nights? I remember our good times and our friendship and I can see the stars again. I can admire the night sky once more for what it has grown to be. There are more stars now that are brighter than ever and for a while, I tended to look past those just into the void that you left here in my heart.

I think I deserve more than the silence you’ve given me since the day that you said Goodbye. I think I deserve a reply, a nod, a tweet, a message, a phone call, a god damn text message even. Anything but the deafening absence you left here. I am glad that you’re happy and even more happier that I’m finally happy even with you gone. But it doesn’t have to be this way now. We’ve grown up, we’ve moved on. Can’t we be adults and be happy for each other? Can’t we say hello now and again, share stories of work, tell funny stories about what happened at home without it being malicious or suspicious? Don’t I have a right to know if you even made it to the leagues of blue and gold, because like it or not, without me you couldn’t have gotten there?

We made mistakes. A lot of mistakes. But look at what we’ve gained from them. One day I hope you find it in your heart to reenter my life. Not as a prominent figure, not as a blinding meteor but as one of the many stars that dot the horizon that I call “friends.” I miss you being there. I miss you being here.

Reader: If you know who this is about, pass it along to him. Because anything that has my name on it never can reach him. 

June 22, 2011
Categories: Personal . . Author: msparamedic . Comments: Leave a Comment

Boxes

I’m sitting here amongst boxes and various articles of my life here on the farm for the last 24 years. Well, roughly. I’ve lived other places for small amounts of time but this is the place that I grew up and will always call “home.” I pack a box and sigh over it’s contents. I have a pile of boxes to store, one to sell, one to garbage, and one to come with me on my journey to New Orleans. So many memories over the years and they fit into this moderate sized trailer. As I reached the bottom of my dresser just now, I stopped with an audible gasp. 4 shirts stared up at me that I had forgotten about until this moment. His GenMed host polos, the shirt he gave me on Valentine’s Day that first weekend we met, and what we called his “Setla Shirt.” I can’t even remember why we called it that, but I do remember giggling hysterically every time that he or I would wear it. I found copies of old run reports that we had run together when he was working with me in that drawer and couldn’t stop reading them. We were quite a team. I had a few pictures tucked up one of the shirts as well and cried silently as I remembered where we were and why they were taken. Then, I found the ultrasound and the pregnancy test that I’ve been avoiding for quite some time now. All of those memories with him fit into just a few short months. We met in February, Wittoh came in May and was gone in July, Mutual Aid started in July and ended in September, and he was out of my life in October. He altered my life in 8 months and it fit perfectly into a small box. I looked around at my piles of boxes. Store, trash, sell or keep? Even though my road with him was rough, it made me into a better person. Losing him made me grow up and learn to be a stronger person. My bitterness and anger towards him has disappeared slowly over the last 3 months. So with a smile on my face, his box slid cozily into the storage pile. He won’t ever be forgotten, but he’s a part of my past… not my future.

 

Here’s to a bright and shiny new future in New Orleans with Mav!

May 30, 2011
Categories: Personal, Random Thoughts . . Author: msparamedic . Comments: 1 Comment

Goodbye, my Reds.

On Wednesday, I put in my two weeks notice as a dispatcher being that I’m moving 3 hours away on the 1st and all. Thursday afternoon, I got the e-mail saying that my 2 weeks was accepted, replacement found, and no need for me to return to work. While I am a little hurt by this (and because I needed the money up until the end of the month) it’s just a jump start to the beginning of the next chapter of my life. I harbor no bitterness towards anyone at that company.

Wait! I can actually say where I worked now. But- I’ll hold off… there are still stories to tell I guess!

So, this is my goodbye to The Reds that I’ve worked with over the last 3 years. Thank you all so much for taking me in and whipping me into shape. You’ve taught me how to be tough, how to be gentle, how to stand up for myself, how to think like a medic, how to shrug at the crazy things, and push through when everything seemed upside down.

To those who’ve rolled their eyes with me at “The Supervisor” to those who’ve laughed along with me on all of those crazy nights we spent sleeping over at HQ.

To those partners who have sat with me for countless hours “Signal S’ing” and those who’ve raided the supply closet with me.

I’ll never forget the good old days when all 3 ALS units worked out of HQ and I was just on the lowly 24-hour basic truck. The fun we had making garlic bread pizza and trying to scare “Sis” in dispatch.

I’ll never forget the countless holidays that I spent working, bringing my color book or water colors to work in hopes of a slow (insert Holiday name here) only to get halfway through whichever drawing it was.

I’ll never forget the Thanksgiving that K and I were washing the ambulance and I broke my nose on the hose dispenser. How could I forget the look on her face whenever I looked up at her and popped it back into place! I’ve never heard a medic scream so loud over a little blood and a horrific snapping sound.

How could I forget about all of the heart to hearts, tears, rants, and plotting that I did in VP’s office? I’ll never forget that room. We had our hearts broken there only for us to come back stronger in the end. I’ll miss you, VP!

To the summer that Jer spent there with me… both bittersweet and eye opening. The lessons that we taught each other about medicine were invaluable, but the lessons that we learned about each other there shaped who we are today.  The place that we shared a couch, watched NetFlix on slow shifts, had 3rd Watch Marathons, fought, cried, and ultimately- the place I was sitting when you called me and told me that our friendship was over. The place where I fell apart… and because of that New Natalie came around. I can honestly say that now I’m better than ever. Out of the ashes, I arose. I’m glad that I’m leaving your final ghost behind, Jer.

To the place where I learned “What happens in Unit 4, stays in Unit 4.”

To the old dispatcher I’ll call “B”- may his one legged misadventures continue to live on in that place.

It is with heavy heart that I say goodbye to all of the old memories… but with endings come new beginnings. I am so excited to be starting at The Borg soon and my new chapter in my childhood dream city- New Orleans. So here is to the old and to the new!

May 20, 2011
Categories: EMS, Personal, Random Thoughts . . Author: msparamedic . Comments: 2 Comments

A Yeti Step

There are significant steps…

Then there are big steps…

Sometimes there are HUGE steps.

But this? This is a Yeti step.

Finally, after months and months and months of talking about moving, I am.  I’m moving 3 hours SouthEast to the loveliest place in the South. Mav and I are moving to New Orleans together. Not only are we moving in together, but I’m changing companies, leaving my family, and as I just found out today- I may be possibly working with Mav as my partner on a 24 hour truck.

That is a lot to take in, but I am so ready for this adventure! In 2 weeks, I am packing a U-Haul with chihuahuas in tow and moving into this lovely New Orleans style house with the boy that I’ve grown to love over the past couple of months. We are a quick 15 minute drive away from the French Quarter, Historic Jackson Square, and Cafe Du Monde. It’s only a 35 minute drive to the station I’ll most likely be at. It feels like things are going my way finally. After a year of heartache, I’m finally getting a break. I’m content. No. I’m Ecstatic!!!! If I fail, then I fail and I come back with my head held high because I went for something that I’ve wanted since I was little. I’ve always dreamed of living under the gorgeous oaks in New Orleans… and my house has several hundred year old oaks surrounding it and our shady backyard. Perfect for BBQ’s, EMS sleepovers (here is your invite, EMS travelers), and lazy days with the puppies.

So, here is to Yeti steps! I’ll keep all of you posted. The countdown is on! 16 days until the move!!

May 16, 2011
Categories: Uncategorized . . Author: msparamedic . Comments: Leave a Comment

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